Triumph Over Myself

If there’s one place in which I would find the darkest roads, the most painful obstacles, and the heaviest rainfalls, I would find it nowhere but in my life – MY CAGE.

Tired, bored, and curious of what the outside world looks like – that’s exactly how I define my self. For all the years of my living, my whole world revolves under the mighty words of the people around me. I’ve been fed up by their “Do this!” and “Do that!” .Somehow, I always feel like I was born to obey. And it’s been very hard for me fulfilling all their high expectations. For them, I am nothing if I don’t bring them the honor and pride they are demanding. It seems like everything is a “Do or Die” policy.

So many things are still unclear for me. “Why do they have to compare me to their selves? Am I them?” .So many questions are deprived of the chance to be asked. I wonder how my life gets worse and worse everyday each time I hear those voices – voices that command me to do things that are strongly against my will.

I am in a cage, in a very small cage with vast dreams and infinite curiosity of what the life outside can be. But I never lose hope. I never give up. I never stop finding all possible ways to a day where I will break my silence and finally RULE MY SELF…

A Curse In The Cold December Night

Hush. Hush.

Violent silence speaks and the cold December night brings reminiscence of the past when I held her arms as she took her very last breath.

Death. O mighty death. I curse you!

I curse you for taking her away and forever away from me, for letting her leave without any trace, for letting her journey heaven without me. And now she is alone there... and I know that.

December. I hate you now.

I curse you as much as I curse death. For you betrayed me.

Memories. You are   no longer a friend of mine.

I curse you, for you made this wound bleed again. And just every time - every hour, every minute, every second you strike in my mind, I nearly die... and that's   when I can feel thhe tender caress of death as it separates my body from my soul... shake my every nerve... and tear me into pieces of nothing.

And dear air - Oh my dear air!

You are selfish so I curse you for you left her. Helpless!... just when she needed you most.

Cold December night.

I swear to never see you again for you are now an antagonist to me.

For you took her...

For you took her...

For you took her..

A Seek For Emptiness

Leave...

As if you never spent time with the world.

Quit...

As if you never made it.

Stop...

As if you never started anything.

Go...

As if you never came.

Hate...

As if you see no forgiveness.

Cry...

As if you never knew happiness.

Shout...

As if you never experienced silence within your heart.

Breath...

As if this would be your last chance.

Free yourself...

As if you never tasted freedom.

Live...

As if there is no tomorrow.

... And witness how this empty world turn without your presence.

The Stalker : A Confession

"The pleasure in my heart is here, just every time I look at you..."

The intense secret feeling of desire to see you, hold you, be with you (and be yours) is tempting me! And it feels nice. It feels so nice to feel the tender caress of heaven by your side (without you knowing it).

How I wished I could just tell you. Unfortunately, I don't have the "guts" because I'm afraid... I am afraid to fall. I am afraid to wake up from this perfect fantasy just to discover that heaven is hell because you're not in it.

But somehow in some aspects, I discover that I am lucky... just so lucky because I came to know you.

And so the pleasure in my heart will stay forever in here just every time I will look at YOU...

While You're Mine

While you’re mine...

Sing to me of the song

And the angelic melody in our hearts shall last for long.

While you’re mine...

The world gets closed

And the wideness of this fantasy shall reach from coast to coast.

While you’re mine...

Every quote was in place

And you’re very single word complete its phrase.

While you’re mine...

Tonight is forever

And every breath we take shall never matter.

While you’re mine...

Let’s make it last

We’ll create a piece of eternity from the isle of dust.

While you’re mine...

I shall but pledge only a thing

That I shall enclose this sealed o’love within this ring.

A Salute To My Fiancé : How You Turned To Be My Romeo

Remember...

Remember when we were young?

You used to be that fat little boy wearing your all-time favorite blue jumper. And it's been your hobby teasing me with my pink mini-skirt with raffles. And remember once I got mad? I would throw on you some pebbles. I would run after you, sobbing. I won't stop until I got my revenge on you. And when I just got lucky, I would hit you at your back. Until then we realize that we're both crying. We would spend the rest of our childhood times together. And it was purity and inoscence  that ruled our small worlds.

Remember when we became teenagers and started to mature?

Yes. That was the start of everything. We slowly opened our eyes and embraced the true world of reality. And that's when we came to experience the first obstacles of life, the dictations of society, the peer pressures, the discriminations and this very famous talk about love. And we didn't notice, we just didn't notice that this strong attachment to each other would lead us to the realization that indeed... we fell in love. Oh yes! We were its lucky victims.

Until the time that we finished our studies and lived our separate ways. I have heard that you really earned your success in your chosen career. And I was so glad to hear that. But, at the back of my mind was a lonely voice longing for your presence, crying out and wishing you could just hear its prayers. Suddenly, I felt the emptiness of not having you at my side. I hate this feeling! I'm not used to it. I... missed your company... so much.

I think, despite all that happened, it was really destiny's fate to let us turn back the sweet memories once more and this time, to let our selves journey eternity... together.

Well, after several years, we met each other again. And the love that sprang between us once before now continued to beat again and by this time -- to grow even deeper.

Now...

The truth is clearly seen. And this fact that I loved you even more is what I'll be holding on until the very end.

Take a look at what we've got now. We've come this far that our individual souls are ready to take each other's vows and soon unite as one.

I thank thee.. I'll always thank thee for reminding me of how wonderful life is.

Now, my everyday has just got its reason to be so special... because you're in it.

And finally, my life that once grew dull and empty has now found its goal, its direction... to you.

...and so we shall build these small pieces of forever --- together .